{ Friday, September 1, 2006 }
Danah wrote a great post about how people often accuse her of giving teenagers too much credit for being able to manage their lives given that they are hormonally unbalanced -- and provides some great examples of adults having life-wrecking hormonal incidents themselves. And she writes a great list of things she thinks teenagers should learn before going out on their own:
- Learn to manage your own money including situations where you don't have enough money for something really important;
- Work to make your own money;
- Learn how to come up with money for monthly bills;
- Learn how to cook, clean, and do laundry;
- Learn how to take care of small children;
- Learn how to handle sickness and doctors;
- Learn how to travel (airplane, bus, etc.) on your own;
- Learn to travel respectfully to foreign cultures;
- Learn how to handle being drunk;
- Experience being bullied, embarrassed, ridiculed, taunted, beaten up;
- Be exposed to people really different than you and learn tolerance and respect;
- Face failure and learn disappointment + face success and learn humility;
- Experience heartbreak;
- Manage significant emotional or physical pain;
- Handle the death of someone close to you.
And some great ones added in the comments by readers:
- Learn to love unselfishly and non-possessively
- Learn to love learning
- Learn how to take criticism.
LINK | 8:29 PM | TB
Mick, I can only agree with you. Most of these things are exactly those you ONLY learn when you move out and live on your own, preferably far away from parents and relatives. Parents can help, though: don't spoil your kids, give them a monthly allowance early and no extras, let them do their laundry etc. I am from Europe so I learned how to handle to be drunk early, American kids are not given this chance. How to handle the death of someone close can not be learned at any age, it's hard everytime - there is no learning curve here.
Olaf Kreitz | September 19, 2006 7:22 PMYeah I was thinking exactly what Mick said. Parents can help but honestly... how much? I've learnt almost everyting myself as a right of passage./
Blaze | October 17, 2006 6:05 PMThe things I wish I had learned before going out on my own? Two:
Life is not fair
The victor writes the history
Mark | November 2, 2006 9:11 AMIt's an ideal list, not a prescription. For many of us, repetition aids in the learning process. If I hadn't faced the first iterations of these lessons while at home, learning other things would have been an even slower process.
I might add a few:
- Learn the consequences of dishonesty.
- Learn to survive public shaming.
- Learn how to ask for help.
- Learn the consequences of risks untaken.
{ Post a comment }
You can rarely teach a person these things, they are only learned by life's bitter experience - this is exactly the point on going out on your own- it is a valuable life learning experience and pain, embarassment and shortage of cash are all part of the process.
Mick Gordon | September 14, 2006 9:41 PM